DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
do nipples grow back?
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