My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
