I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
