My room smells like vodka and shame
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
