So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
