I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
