we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
