It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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