Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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