I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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