he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
