3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
