so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
