can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
