You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
