My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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