What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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