capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
