Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
