don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
