i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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