My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
