he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
