Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
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i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Pooping to opera.
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