I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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