i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I can text with my tongue
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
