Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Church boner. Awkwardddd
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
