There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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