No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
