i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
