Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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