I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
