sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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