You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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