yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
