Sry I called you an 8
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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