So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Boobs speak an international language.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
