Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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