I wish my penis had an off switch
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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