i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
