He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
