whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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