the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am naked and annoyed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
