So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
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I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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