found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
