I accidentally had phone sex last night
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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