I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
