i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
