What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
