Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
