just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am mentally ready for anal.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
