saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
