Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
