what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
