im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
