i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
