If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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