I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
