I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
