So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
