I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
