he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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