I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
