Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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