Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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