if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
