You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
