Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
