Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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