I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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