So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
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Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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