Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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