the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
