Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
