My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
