i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
